As someone who entered the field of therapy to help social justice leaders with trauma heal, so they could be healthier more liberated leaders, I never imagined that I would find myself working with couples. Yet as a trauma therapist I slowly came to realize that if most of my client’s trauma was rooted in childhood and adolescent relationships, then the most effective agent for healing trauma must also be through relationships. I now believe that intimate relationships offer the greatest opportunity to heal from both interpersonal and inter-generational trauma. I believe that healthy/secure relationships not only have the power to transform individual lives, but also can contribute to healthier and most just families and communities. For me, the personal is political and I view couples work as ripe ground for revolutionary growth and healing.

My approach to couples therapy is primarily rooted in Emotion Focused Therapy, though I am currently undergoing training in the PACT model. Both approaches center attachment theory and the neurobiology of connection as the agent of change within a relationship. In session I will not teach you cognitive skills, but instead will support each person to send effective vulnerable signals to their partner/s to increase secure relating, co-regulation and healthy attachment. My approach does not focus on cognitive skill development, because as most people have experienced, you can be incredibly intelligent and know what the “right” thing to do in a conflict, yet when you are triggered emotionally, you are unable to do any of these things. My approach helps with just this – learning how to move through your most difficult triggers to find connection, intimacy and security. My approach is radically empathic and highlights how all behaviors in relationships (no matter how challenging they may be) make sense given one’s upbringing and life experiences.

I currently focus on working with couples (or polycules) who are queer and trans, BIPoC, survivors of trauma and/or social justice activists. I am poly informed/affirming and can work with multiple partners. I am also sex positive, all body affirming (I believe in fat liberation and disability justice), and kink/BDSM informed/affirming. I am also able to support clients to navigate the complex dynamics that may arise in a relationship when one or both partners have marginalized identities.

Please email me if you would like to set up a free consultation to learn more about my approach to couples/relationship therapy and see if we are a good match: carmenleahlicswmph@gmail.com